A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
