They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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