Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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