we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
