I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
