Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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