My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
