so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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