just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
