I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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