Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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