Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
