24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
