Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
