it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
