As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
