Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
