Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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