The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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