he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
