you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
