do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
