so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
