its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i need some magic done to my vagina
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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