And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
