yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
