i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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