you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
