you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
