Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
