I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He passed out mid-signature
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
