I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
