went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
