I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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