The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
