I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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