She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
