She's JV to your varsity
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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