i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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