Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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