I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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