you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
