This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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