somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
