she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Boobs are out for the taking
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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