Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
