I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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