Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
