1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Shame - the story of my life.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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