Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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